During the chaos of my parents’ divorce (when I was around 11), my uncles on my mother’s side (or maybe my grandmother—I can’t quite remember, but it doesn’t really matter since they shared the same values) offered to take me to a theme park out of town. But shortly after, they had a change of heart. They wanted to see who I would end up living with. Basically, if I had chosen to stay with my dad, whom they saw as their sworn enemy, they wouldn’t have bothered with me or the trip. I have to admit, for most of my adult life, I didn’t think anything was wrong with that—it’s kind of like how economics works: your employer is likely to withdraw benefits when they know you’re intent on leaving for another employer, seeing it as a way to avoid needless losses.

However, when I casually mentioned this to my landlord (yes, I’ve had many heart-to-hearts with this older lady), she was surprised, even a bit confused. She was like, “I don’t know what they were thinking, but if you were my grandchild and I knew you were leaving us to live with your dad, I’d want to take you anywhere you wanted and give you the best I could—because I wouldn’t know when I’d see you again.”

My eyes welled up. I was genuinely shocked to hear such a different perspective. Some people strictly prioritize benefits over kindness, while others don’t really care about gains and losses. It really got me thinking a lot about family values and what unconditional love truly meant. At one point, I even felt like I didn’t really know what love was.

I couldn’t choose the family I was born into, but I can choose to carry that conversation with me forever.